This is me. Sniffing candles. At Target.

To some, this may not seem like a big deal, but if you REALLY knew me, you would know: for years, I couldn’t tolerate perfumes, or go near the air freshener/detergent aisle. I would cry/stutter/struggle to breathe/break out in hives/migraines, or worse: faint/crap my pants/have continuous muscle spasms, and end up in the ER.

Doctors told me, I was incurable; That my body was attacking itself.

That this was common for people with Chronic Lyme, Mast Cell Activation Disorder, Chronic Fatigue, Autoimmune Pancreatitis, MTHFR gene mutations, and Crohn's Disease.

That if I wanted ANY quality of life, I needed ongoing biologics, h1/h2 blockers, steroids, herbs, antivirals, and long-term antibiotics.

“Avoid histamine,” some would warn.

“Stay away from chemicals, gluten, dairy, oxalates, fix your gut,” the more holistic ones one say.

“Sell your house, avoid mold, emf’s, move to the desert.”

Before too long, my world became so small I could only eat gold, baby dutch potatoes.

“How long can the body survive without food?” I Googled, at one of my lowest points.

21-days, in case you’re wondering.
My record is 7.

When the body lives in a constant state of fight or flight (or is overburdened with toxins), you become reactive to everything.

Nobody told me this constant worry about safety and limitations (and anger about how the world isn’t built for "people like me") creates a feedback loop of hyper-vigilance.

No one (except maybe my therapist) suggested I should trust my intuition, that my body was just trying to speak to me, or that addressing trapped traumas/beliefs/emotions could make a significant difference in my healing.

After 5+ years, hundreds of doctors, and being told (incorrectly) I’d never pee unassisted again, I got something: They were all just guessing, and if THEY were guessing, I was going to start guessing too.

“God, if you’re up there, I need you to guide me,” I prayed. “I need you to show me in NO uncertain terms when I’m on the right path and when I’m not. If you do, I will listen.”

Not sure exactly HOW to do that, for the next three years, I immersed myself in meditation and prayer.

“Show me what you need,” I’d say to my body daily.

“Send me where you want me to go.”

Over time, I began to notice patterns:

How my hands would repeatedly drop foods or pills that didn’t benefit me.
How I would lose my balance around certain places/people.

Eventually, my inner guidance took over.

A giant “X” would come to mind, as a doctor recommended a medication.
A quiet nudge would lead me to the perfect person or resource.

As a result, illness became less about symptoms and more about curiosity.

My body—once the enemy—now, my spiritual teacher.
My suffering—uncured by medicine—began to disappear.

If you’ve seen dozens of doctors, are struggling with chronic symptoms, and have made little to no progress (regardless of protocol), there’s hope for you too.

Step one: Get symptoms are communications.

Step two: Curiously and (compassionately) ask your body: What do you need? How can I help?

Step three: Be willing to listen/follow the nudges (or, if you can't hear/trust/obey), be willing to be willing.

By practicing these steps, I’ve been able to: travel cross-country, stop using wheelchairs/protective masks, release allergy/special needs diets, walk on the beach (without worrying where the car is parked), return to acrylic painting/reading, stay in moldy hotel rooms, attend crowded, noisy events, discontinue prescriptions/iv’s, stop seeing doctors and therapists, remove the port from my chest, and, after nearly a decade of disability, start working again.

I can’t do it for you, but if you’re willing (or willing to be willing), I can teach you how to listen.

We’ll examine symptoms and look for patterns contributing to pain, depression, or fatigue (spiritually, logically, and intuitively). We'll also distinguish WHAT, if anything, your body wants to release or do about it.

Admittedly, this may require a leap of faith.

Your mind will say you’ve tried everything.

Your spirit will resist looking in dark corners.

Your body will want to protect you from more harm or disappointment.

It’s ok; there's room for all of that. ❤

All you need is a kernel of trust and the willingness to hear things newly.

Are you willing?

Happy, Healing, 2024. ❤